Is it a BDSM thing?
…or how I stopped fantasising and learned to love the whip…
Growing up
It's a particular kind of person who grows up sensing they're wired differently - tuned to pick up signals from a world that exists beneath the surface of ordinary life.
From childhood on, you're drawn to things that make others uncomfortable, pulled toward experiences beyond the safe and predictable.
The hardest part isn't having desires you can't name - you learn to carry these longings quietly. It’s just you’re wondering if you're the only person who feels this particular hunger.
Is it the leather scene you long for? The images that call to you don't match what's available. You’ve never set foot inside a dungeon and you’re not planning to. Which leaves you suspended between spiritual curiosity and a subculture that feels foreign. What is it you’re looking for, do you even know?
That’s how I felt for much of my life.
The Meeting That Changed Everything
Sometimes life hands you exactly what you’ve been searching for. You’re not looking for it, not planning for it - you’re just sitting in a cinema waiting for a film to start when someone sits down beside you and the two of you strike up a conversation.
By the end of the evening, you’ve found there’s someone who understands the transformation you’ve only read about, who’s actually lived the experiences you’ve only imagined.
Suddenly, the theoretical becomes a practical possibility, the abstract becomes real. You realise the universe has a sense of timing - it waits until you’re ready, then delivers exactly the teacher, the opportunity, the connection you need.
That’s what happened to me.
She was a gift from the universe, but she came without instructions.
There's a strange thing that happens when possibility suddenly becomes reality.
All those years of wondering, imagining, reading about mysterious, sensual experiences… and now the door was open, but I didn't know how to walk through it. Fantasy and reality are different creatures entirely.
My fantasies were hazy clouds - disparate images and unnamed feelings that seemed so clear in my mind but dissolved when I tried to turn them into actual practice. Moving from curious observer to actual participant means needing to learn what’s out there in the real world.
Flogging’s fun. But?
I found I liked flogging people, and people enjoyed being flogged by me. Floggers and canes were fun tools to experiment with.
My days became sexy and fun. Meeting new people, watching them undress for me, making them feel good in this strange and wonderful way. People fell in love through being whipped.
But something nagged at me.
It was good - better than good, it was great - but I couldn't shake the feeling there was some other thing waiting to be discovered.
What was missing, or was nothing missing, and was this just how it was supposed to be?
The gateway to magic
One time, we were with a small group of people, staying in a castle (yes, an actual castle in France!). Someone did a little impromptu workshop. And he showed me something - the power of rhythm.
He taught me about using two similar tools like canes, sticks, even forks, to create light, hypnotic patterns on the body. He showed me how canes could be tools for creating trance-like states through gentle, rhythmic touch.
I realised I could take this principle and apply it to what I actually preferred - floggers. A great flogging ‘s not about pain and dominance, but about creating patterns that guide someone into completely different states of consciousness.
My experience with floggers 'til then had mostly been about building intensity and seeing how far I could take my partners. Suddenly, I understood there was another dimension entirely: rhythm.
That's when everything shifted. And there was more to come.
The Breakthrough
My breakthrough came when I realised I could add the dimension of TIME.
People have understood for millennia that sustained rhythm opens doorways the rational mind cannot access - from indigenous drums around sacred fires to modern raves where repetitive beats carry thousands into collective ecstasy. Rhythm makes time become elastic, the body takes over from the mind.
When I first experimented with my girlfriend with this rhythmic approach, what was meant to be brief play became an hour and a half journey. I found myself completely absorbed in reading her responses, adjusting the rhythm, building and releasing intensity in waves. By the end, she was so flooded with happiness hormones she could only giggle with pure joy.
That's when I understood: we had stumbled onto the same ancient magic that shamans and mystics have been accessing for thousands of years.
The Deeper Realization
This breakthrough made me realize that flogging sessions weren't about creating great sensations or trying to get someone to "experience stuff."
I discovered there was a dimension that could help people access a realm of happiness beyond sexual gratification. The rhythm and flogging created a temple - my partner's body became sacred space.
Flogging became more like a prayer, an experience we could go through together. Like call and response in a gospel song - one person calls, the other responds.
From then on, my sessions became very quiet. We had a conversation with our bodies. Body connection became mind connection.
The Wisdom That Emerged
From this experience, I gained profound wisdom about what was actually happening:
**The body stores everything** - emotions, memories, painful experiences that become trauma. It's all there, held in tissues, nervous system, body memory
**Through rhythmic approach building in intensity**, the body becomes so profoundly engaged it opens up and releases what it's been holding
**There's a dual process happening:**
- Chemical: The body releases hormones from physical engagement
- Emotional: The body can't hold onto painful memories when so much is happening - memories get overwhelmed and release in a healing way
**The pleasure paradox:** Because of the buildup and time, this intense experience becomes very pleasant and engaging
**Safety through rhythm:** The rhythmic approach creates safety - like the steady beat that allows music to flow
**Connection beyond words:** As the person giving, paying attention to the receiver creates automatic connection beyond words - we connect mind to mind, body to body
We're making music together. Their body is the musical instrument, and as the person giving, you’re the conductor of their orchestra.
Who I was
I was a lawyer. Focused on problems, forging solutions. Making money.
I had the Porsche, the suits, the house. Life was as good as they’d have you believe.
But that wasn’t satisfying at all.
This world doesn’t need lawyers and neither do you need the kind of life that devours your soul.
We all need the kind of change that allows for your humanity to shine through. We need to be less afraid and experience more.
Who I Became Through This Work
When I started teaching this, I began thinking of flogging as a form of prayer - like mantra singing, except on the body. A song that constantly shifts and changes, creating new meaning all the time.
As a teacher, I'm both a kind of priest (because there's magic to this that can only be experienced, not told) and a guide (helping people find that magical place).
This work moved me beyond fascination with BDSM, beyond the whole dominant/submissive dynamic. I became someone who helps people discover themselves.
You can't help but love people when you see them this vulnerable. When you see someone crying, raging, devoured by feelings, you can’t help but see the beauty in them. You want to engage with the whole world as if it's your lover.
I became a kinder, wiser, more loving person because of this work. You can too.
Becoming a teacher
There's something profoundly humbling about helping others discover parts of themselves they never knew existed.
The best teaching happens when you're learning alongside your students, when they surprise you by going beyond what you thought possible.
I've watched people access states of consciousness that left me in awe, find healing I couldn't have predicted, discover joy that transformed not just them but everyone around them.
That's what I hope to share with you - not just technique, but the possibility of touching something ancient and transformative that lives within you, waiting to be awakened.
Life is all about faith and grace. And joy.